


Mask

by TheonSugden



Category: Hollyoaks
Genre: Frankie's Craig-related homophobia, Gen, Mentions of Child Illness, POV First Person, some slurs against women
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 16:46:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3418154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheonSugden/pseuds/TheonSugden
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What Frankie wants her life to be, and what she fears it actually is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mask

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote this at the start of 2008 - at that point Craig was in Dublin, Steph was dating Max, Jake and Nancy were together and the family had just learned Justin was Charlie's biological father, Darren had gambled away half of the pub.

I'm married to a wonderful man who adores me. I never thought I would have a man who appreciates me and doesn't try to change me.   
  
 _He'll choose Darren over me if he has to make that choice. Darren nearly killed him and Jack couldn't even stay mad for a month. He was in hospital. He could have died. He has a weak heart. Any second of any day he could die and I'll be all alone._  
  
My daughter Debbie is an actress on the West End. She's becoming a star.   
  
 _I took care of her after her car accident last year and I felt like she was taking care of me. She always had her best smile on. She never visits. When she calls, she's giving a performance. She doesn't need me. She almost seems to feel sorry for me._  
  
My other daughter Steph is finally growing up, she's dating a successful businessman and helping him raise his younger brother.   
  
 _I've always loved Steph the least of any of my children and she knows it. She's so judgmental, she's so childish, she's so desperate to hide how much she needs love. Why do I look at her and see myself? She spends more and more time with Max and less and less with me and I know how much I've lost._  
  
My oldest son Jake is a proud father and soon to be husband.   
  
 _He lied to us. He lied to ME. He'd have watched Charlie die before he'd tell anyone he wasn't his biological father. I see how he treats Nancy and I'm too scared to step in. I'm scared of my own son. I'm scared of the man I made._  
  
My son Craig is at university in Dublin. He's doing brilliantly and he can't stop telling us how wonderful his new life is.  
  
 _Every time he calls I know he's lying. I know how hollow his laugh is and how hoarse his voice is when he's been crying or when he's tried to drink away his pain. The worst days are when he really has had a good time, when he isn't trying to put on a show, because I can tell he still is not as happy, as...satisfied as he was with John Paul. I'm a bad mother and I made my son gay. Worse, I made my son reject me. I know if it were up to him, he'd still be with John Paul. He only cares about John Paul, not his family, not me. If John Paul told him to never talk to me again, he'd forget I ever existed._  
  
My grandson Charlie is brave and strong and he'll be a happy young man in no time.   
  
 _He's not even mine. Jake lied to me. Jake gave me hope. I can never forgive Jake. I can never forgive that cheap dirty little tart Becca for ruining Jake, for sleeping with a sociopathic teenage thug and never living to face the full consequences. God forbid we ever question Saint Becca. I can never forgive myself because no matter how much time I've spent with Charlie, now I find myself thinking, "If he dies, at least he wasn't my real grandson," and I'm so ashamed of myself._  
  
My foster son Newt has turned a corner and he's fitting in so nicely.   
  
 _He was supposed to be different than the rest. Yet I still see him bonding more with Darren and Jack than with me, just like my other kids. I still see him hanging out with destructive influences, just like my other kids. I see him look at me with that fear and contempt and I know he can never be honest with me, just like my other kids._  
  
I've accomplished a lot in the first half of my life.  
  
 _Spending all my time pulling pints and filing nails. A husband who dumped me, and another husband who is too good for me. All I know how to do is make my children fear me and hate me. I know they have ruined their lives all because of what I did to them. Every time I see them I know they are making themselves sick keeping me from knowing just how much I disgust them._  
  
Life throws challenges my way, but I know how to rise above them.   
  
 _I'm a pathetic failure as a wife and a mother, now a grandmother._  
  
I live a great life.  
  
 _I'm going to die alone and unloved._  
  
All you have to do is look at the smile on my face.


End file.
